Just a Geek and His Blog

I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I’d been ‘computering’, And I had to answer ‘yes.’

He told me to get off my fanny, And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up… The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick… I was just admiring my good work.

I didn’t mean to ‘click.’

But click, I did, and oops – I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into it - I was into it all night.

Nothing’s changed except my mouse. It’s very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess… While I sit here on my hiney.

Here’s to all of us who live in Minnesota, some born and raised here. Some got here as fast as they could and others who would like to be from Minnesota. This is the best version of this that I have seen.

Rules of Minnesota:

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. You say our lakes smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. Its called being friendly. try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in; we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat walleye & northern pike and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: Onion, Pepper, and Garlic!

12. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a hell of a lot more fun to watch.

13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards –it spooks the fish.

14. Colleges? Try St. Olaf, Concordia, or St. John’s. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

15. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, than any other state, so “Don’t screw with Minnesota.” If you do, you will get whipped by the best.”

Minnesota is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Minnesota and you do not forward this to all your friends in 10 min., you are not a true Minnesotan.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them ‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit,ya know.

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.

When he returns to the room of the two guys  from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, ‘Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?’

Sven replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve don’t git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve’ve yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather’s dis nice.’

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer.  The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The  devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, ‘I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re still happy.  What is wrong with you two?’

They both look at the devil in surprise and  say, ‘Vell, don’t ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super  Bowl!’

The awesome power of a wife’s love.

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral.